What Just Happened?

There I was, trucking along, thinking I’m building some sort of normal relationship with sugar and sweets. Or at least getting really good at avoiding it. And BAM! That beast reared its ugly head, grabbed me, and kidnapped me for two weeks.

Let’s review. On April 11th I decided that I needed to do something about my unhealthy relationship with processed sugar and sweets, so I decided to cut them out of my life. Just like that nightmare relative no one likes to talk about, I figured I would be better off without. It wasn’t easy. I had withdrawal symptoms, cravings, substituted other stuff to get the same rush…but I had gone about three months without eating processed sugar or sweets beyond the few low-sugar items I made at home.

And then July 4th hit and something went awry. We had a big storm and lost our power for several days. It came back on July 4th, but maybe the stress pushed me over the edge. I’m not sure, but starting July 5th I went off the rails. And stayed off. Until today. Actually including today. I’ve had cookies, cake, cupcakes, chocolates, apple crisp that was more sugary crisp than apples, doughnuts, and more. You name it and I’ve probably had it in the past two weeks.

The crazy stops here. Now. Today. You hear that sugar? I’m done with you (again).

Day 71 — Not There Yet…

It’s been a while since I posted, I guess avoiding sugar wasn’t top of mind. Not that I wasn’t still avoiding it, I was. I just wasn’t thinking that much about it. It was actually starting to feel natural. Normal. Like I was one of “those people” who just didn’t eat a lot of sugar or processed sweets.

And then this week hit me. Really hard, like a knockout punch right between the eyes. Cravings that I haven’t had in two months suddenly made themselves heard. First, Girl Scout cookies (Tagalongs, my favorite) showed up in the office kitchen. When I saw them my mouth literally watered. Then someone opened the package and I got a whiff of that manufactured cookie product with sugar-laden peanut butter-ish filling and chocolate-like coating. Fat, sugar, processed in a factory. Logically disgusting, olfactorily divine. I had to walk away.

Today a well-meaning and kind-hearted soul brought in chocolates to share. Good, high quality chocolates. Now found in three different locations in our office. I looked at them and just sighed. Because I know exactly how they taste. Really, really good. And I also know that if I have “just one,” by the end of the day I’ll find myself buried in a pile of candy wrappers filled with regret and self-loathing. I’m ignoring them.

So I’m not there yet. I may be able to say no thank you to all of these things, but I still want them. Badly. Which means I have a lot more work to do.

Day 60 — Two Months?!

I am more than slightly amazed that I’ve been on this path of removing processed sugar and sweets from my diet for TWO MONTHS! 61 days ago I could not go a whole day without eating candy, cookies, cake, pastries or doughnuts…and usually had more than one of those every day. Every. Single. Day.

Today I casually said to my BF that I’d “pretty much quit eating all that stuff a couple of months ago.” I hadn’t said anything about it before, mostly because I just didn’t want the pressure of someone else paying attention to what I was eating. Even though I know it would be meant in the best possible way–he’d only be trying to help–I just didn’t want anyone saying “are you sure you should have that?” Or even thinking it.

So, when we started talking about doughnuts, I said that I didn’t have any of the 3.5 dozen that showed up in our office kitchen last week. They didn’t look that great. And I’ve pretty much given up sweets other than the things I make anyway. This felt like a BIG dramatic confession to me. His response? “Oh, yeah, that stuff’s pretty bad for you anyway…” Then he went on to something else, it was clearly not a big deal or major revelation to him.

Lesson learned? Nobody else is paying much attention to what I’m eating (or doing) most of the time anyway, so stop being so self-conscious.

Day 59 — The …ugh… in Doughnut

Today someone told me that the first thing boxers cut out of their diet is doughnuts. Even before fast food, alcohol, or other sweets.

Of course it does make sense–doughnuts are nothing but processed sugar and flour, plus lots of fat. They really have no redeeming nutritional value. Still this little fact surprised me. Think of all the foods that someone who is doing major physical training would or could eliminate from their diet, and the very first one is the doughnut. I guess at least a fast food hamburger has protein, and the fries at least originated as potatoes. Even cookies may have some nutritional value, depending on what kind. But doughnuts? Absolutely none.

I also think that doughnuts have a very addictive quality, at least for me. They’re always referred to as “doughnuts” in plural for a reason! After I had one or or some of a doughnut, I always craved more. I would take just half, then come back for the other half. Then another piece, another doughnut, just one more bite. They’re such a lethal combination of sweet and fat, once those cravings are triggered in my body it’s really hard to stop them. Even people I know who eat in a fairly healthy manner, who rarely overindulge in sweets, seem to have a hard time stopping with doughnuts.

Doughnuts are truly a “you can’t have just one, so it’s better to have none” food for me. And a lot of other people. Even boxers.

Day 55 — What Exactly Is Cheating?

As I go along on this quest to eliminate processed sugar and sweets from my diet, day after day I have to ask myself whether I’m cheating. When I have a controlled serving of a good restaurant’s dessert (made in-house) on vacation, is that cheating? If I make a dessert at home, and use little to no sugar, is that cheating? If I have a small serving of something that historically has not triggered a sugar binge, is that cheating?

Today’s question…is a small piece of angel food cake with lots of fresh berries cheating? I debated myself on this one for a bit, but ultimately I decided to give myself that permission. It’s not something that I crave, it’s not very sweet, and the cake is so light it’s really just a vehicle for the berries. And (this was the deciding factor for me), it’s the only dessert that I know my friend who doesn’t eat sweets eats!

So far I have given myself permission to enjoy these things, and will do so as long as it doesn’t take me off the track of my ultimate goal. At the end of the day I didn’t set out to deprive myself of things I enjoy, I set out to conquer my sugar addiction. To stop eating candy and sweets in an out-of-control way that was negative to my life, health and psyche.

On the other hand, when 3.5 dozen donuts showed up in our office kitchen Friday for National Donut Day, I passed. I knew I couldn’t handle it. If I had one, I would have two. Or three. And then start in on something else over the weekend. It was best to have none because I knew I couldn’t have just one.

Day 53 — Recipe: Banana Strawberry “Sorbet”

Lots of people have discovered the frozen banana trick that creates a wonderful substitute for ice cream. It’s become so popular, that now there’s a special machine to make this frozen banana “ice cream.”

So this weekend I tried something new, a strawberry/banana “sorbet.” It is quite tasty, a little icy like sorbet usually is, but perfectly sweet and refreshing on a hot summer day.

 

Strawberry/Banana “Sorbet”

1 cup fresh strawberries

1 banana

1/4 cup soy milk (or any milk you like)

2 Tablespoons honey

Prepare mix: Puree the strawberries and banana in a food processor or blender. Add soy milk and honey and blend thoroughly. Chill in the refrigerator for a couple of hours.

Freeze into sorbet: Blend in an ice cream maker (we have a Cuisinart), following the instructions. Because there is no cream and sugar, it only took about 5 minutes for this to freeze up. Keep an eye on it so it doesn’t lock up your ice cream maker.

You can eat a dish of it immediately, it’s soft and creamy. Any leftovers can be frozen in single-serve containers. It will freeze very solid, so take a serving out of the freezer about 10 minutes before you want to eat it. Or toss it in the microwave for 10 seconds to soften it quickly.

Day 50 — About Portion Control

It’s easier when someone else controls it for you…

While on vacation I had a couple of dessets. And the world didn’t end. I didn’t have a meltdown, walk ten blocks to buy more chocolate or start eating everything in sight.

One night we went to a wonderful Greek restaurant. Baklava is one of my favorite things, and generally not a triggering food for me, so I decided to take a piece back to the hotel room. It was delicious and, since it was one piece packaged up at the restaturant, there was no fear of suddenly going on a huge baklava binge. I got the piece I was given, and that was it.

Another night we had dinner at a lovely seafood restaurant, and they had local-made fruit sorbets as a dessert option. Most dessert menus are not even a temptation for me because I have a dairy allergy, and all the “good stuff” is made with butter. But this was a dessert I could have, so we ordered one serving and shared it. The flavors were wonderful, just like fresh fruit. And, again, it was served to me, so once it was gone there would be no more. Plus I was sharing and I couldn’t be a pig!

The strange thing is, since the portions were controlled by someone else, I didn’t even think about having more. At home I decided to try the restaurant philosophy and serve things in small portions, on smaller plates. It’s all mental, but it seems to work. Small servings look plenty big on a small plate. Since it’s possible to overeat anything, even healthy foods, I’ve started putting dessert-like items in little tiny single-serve dishes. When it’s gone, it’s gone…just like the restaurant.

Day 48 — (Almost) Sugar-Free Vacation

Just got home from a wonderful week-long vacation. While having a great time in the Seattle area (yes, I loved it), I successfully avoided the temptations of countless chocolate shops, ice cream stands and bakeries.

When I go on vacation I tend to treat it as a vacation from everything, from reality. I eat whatever I want, drink more than usual, and justify it all by “being on vacation” and/or “this is something I can’t get at home, I might never be back.” Which is entirely true, but this time around I asked myself if it mattered that I might never be back. Was it really important to have that thing now, or ever? This trip, in most situations, I decided it wasn’t.

For example, when I saw the sign for Victoria’s oldest chocolate shop, I thought “if it’s that old it must be fantastic, I should get some, maybe I’ll take it back to the office.” Of course it would never have made it back to the office, and when I looked in the window it just looked like any other chocolate shop. I’m sure it would have been delicious, but honestly I just didn’t really want it. And we have old chocolate shops in Ohio too, eating that candy would not have been a life-changing event. So I passed. Same with the bakeries, ice cream shops, and most desserts.

Full disclosure…I did have a sweet dessert twice. Both in restaurants, where it was served to me in a set portion. Once it was gone, it was gone. That seemed to work for me, and both of the items were totally worth it. They were also not things that I would typically binge on (baklava and fruit sorbet), which made me more comfortable ordering them.

Net outcome? I learned that every day is not a special occasion, even on vacation. And most of the things I would have been tempted by in the past really didn’t seem that special this time around. Oh, and for the first time in history I didn’t gain five pounds on vacation, actually I lost a little!

Day 44 — Two Steps Forward, One Step Back

Making progress on a challenge can seem so slow, it really feels like for every two steps I take forward, I take one back. Guess it’s better than the opposite…at least I’m making progress little by little. It just seems like I should be able to set my mind on doing something, and make it happen.

I’ve certainly succeeded at giving up the sugar and processed sweets so far, and I’m really happy about that. But addiction is a nasty beast, and I keep sliding into some of the typical traps. Substance substitution, obsessing about having (or not having) certain things, or telling myself it’s no big deal instead of admitting what a challenge kicking the habit really is.

Admittedly I am not the most patient person. I want things to happen quickly, plugging away day by day is tough for me even though I know that’s the only way to truly succeed. So here I am, plugging, plugging, plugging away.

Day 40 — Book It: The Omnivore’s Dilemma

I finally read The Omnivore’s Dilemma: The Secrets Behind What You Eat, by Michael Pollan. And I say “finally” because this book and I have a bit of a history.

I read a couple of other books by the same author over a year ago, and found them to be very eye-opening and somewhat life-changing. While I felt that I ate in a fairly healthy way before, those books truly altered the way I think about the food I eat. I checked out this book as the next one I wanted to read, but found it incredibly dense. I read a lot, I mean A LOT, but I just could not get through this book. Eventually it was due back at the library, and I returned it unread.

As I started down this sugar-elimination path, I thought about this book again and thought I would give it another shot. I reserved it at the library, but when I went to pick it up I realized I had actually selected the “young readers edition,” essentially the version edited for young adults (teenagers). Before I put it back, I flipped through to find that it was not too junior-level, and maybe it would be a little easier to read than the original. So I took it home. And it was great!

Essentially the author follows the path of four meals: an industrially-produced meal, an industrial-organic meal, a locally grown sustainable meal, and a meal where he hunted or gathered every item. While following the paths of these four meals, he uncovers how food is really produced in each of these sectors of the food chain. Granted, he is clearly not a fan of the industrial food system–but I felt that he really focused on how food ends up on our table, rather than saying what you must and must not do or eat.

What I liked the most about this book is just how much it has made me think about where the food I’m eating comes from, and whether there are other options. Everyone has to make choices and compromises, that’s the reality of our modern life. I’m not going to grow, hunt or make every single thing I eat. But a few specific choices can go a long way in cleaning up my personal food chain.